sad (not really) realization

October 19, 2009

As my loyal followers would know, I just spent the weekend visiting the hubby && I had a great time!

I won't get into details, well cuz those are for me to enjoy in my private time ;)

But anyways, today on my 6 hour bus ride (blame greyhound they make a 2 hour trip into 17 hours j/k) I decided to put my ipod on shuffle...

Now when the ipod usually comes on I play Beyonce first, it doesn't matter the time of day, my mood, who I'm with, I'm bumpin Beyonce.

But today, something told me to try something different.

So I did.

For some reason a bunch of slow r&b, angry, sad, break up music kept coming on. 

  • Keisha Cole- I Shoulda Cheated
  • Beyonce- Resentment
  • Monica- Shoulda Known Better
the list could go on && on...

But the one thing I realized as I lost myself in the music (something I can only do in a moving vehicle appearently lol): I'm happy.

I am a content relationship wise (everything else still has me wanting more) and this is rare.  Usually there's something bad for me to dwell on or try to find flaws in the guy.
I am my own worst enemy.  I try to find ways to destroy my own happiness. I don't know why, but I do.  I start arguments.  I run away from relationships when they get too hard.  && I've been too afriad to admit it to myself.

But not this time.  I've noticed a change in me when weeks have gone by && we haven't argued lol.

What do you guys think?  Do you think this is a problem most women have in one way/shape/form/fashion?
I think we let too many outside influences come in between us && what we really want that we become accustom to not being happy/fulfilled...

Idk, its late && im rambling.
good night.

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